The Power of Perspective: Shifting from Complaining to Changing

Have you ever found yourself caught in a cycle of complaining? You look at the people and situations around you, feeling frustrated, misunderstood, or even defeated. You might even tell yourself that if others changed, life would be better. But what if the real issue lies not in the people or circumstances themselves but in the way you're choosing to see them?

In mental health, there's a concept called unconditional positive regard—an idea rooted in the belief that every person is deserving of respect, empathy, and love, no matter their flaws. It’s an empowering perspective, but let’s be honest: it’s hard to practice unconditional positive regard when our own lenses are clouded with negativity or distorted by unresolved frustrations.

So how do we break free from the trap of focusing outwardly on what’s wrong with others and shift toward the internal work that truly changes how we see the world?

1. Recognize the Spirit of Complaining

Complaining often feels like a release—a way to vent and gain validation for our feelings. But when it becomes a habit, it can warp our perception of reality. Constantly focusing on what’s wrong blinds us to the good that exists in people and situations. It also keeps us stuck, convincing us that the problem lies outside of ourselves rather than within.

Ask yourself:

• Am I choosing to complain instead of taking action?

• How might my complaints be reflecting areas where I need to grow?

Shifting from a spirit of complaining to a mindset of curiosity requires you to pause and ask hard questions, like:

• What am I really feeling?

• Is this a situation I can control, or am I wasting energy on things outside of my power?

  
  

2. Shift the Focus to What You Can Control

One of the most empowering shifts in any mental health journey is realizing the freedom that comes with focusing on what you can control: yourself.

You can’t control how others treat you, but you can control how you respond. You can’t change someone’s values, but you can set boundaries that protect your peace. This isn’t about ignoring injustice or letting people walk all over you—it’s about redirecting energy away from things you can’t fix and toward areas where you have real power.

Here are a few actionable steps to help with this shift:

• Journal your triggers. Write about situations where you feel frustrated or powerless. Ask yourself what’s within your control and what isn’t.

• Practice mindfulness. Pay attention to how much energy you spend ruminating on things you can’t change. Gently redirect your focus back to your own actions and intentions.

• Set small, realistic goals. For example, instead of wishing someone would treat you differently, work on communicating your needs with clarity and kindness.

  

  
  

3. Work on Yourself to See Others Clearly

When we’re weighed down by our own struggles—whether it’s resentment, insecurity, or unresolved hurt—it becomes harder to see others for who they truly are. Instead, we see them through the lens of our pain.

For example, if you struggle with rejection, you might interpret someone’s busy schedule as a lack of care. If you wrestle with perfectionism, you might judge others harshly when they make mistakes.

To truly see people and love them unconditionally, you must do the inner work to heal and grow. This doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior or tolerating toxic relationships. It means acknowledging that everyone—including yourself—is human, imperfect, and worthy of grace.

Try these practices:

• Self-reflection. Take time to examine your own biases and emotional triggers.

• Therapy or coaching. Sometimes it takes a professional to help us untangle old patterns of thinking and see things with fresh eyes.

• Compassion practices. When you find yourself judging someone, pause and ask, “What might they be struggling with? How would I want someone to treat me in their situation?”

4. Cultivate Unconditional Positive Regard

At the heart of this perspective shift is the idea of unconditional positive regard—the ability to accept and value others without judgment, even when they fall short of your expectations. This doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior or abandoning your own needs. It means choosing to see the good in people and believing in their capacity for growth.

When you practice unconditional positive regard, you’re also giving yourself permission to love without conditions. You release the burden of trying to control or fix others and instead focus on being a source of light, empathy, and authenticity in their lives.

The Freedom in Letting Go

Complaining may feel satisfying in the moment, but it rarely leads to lasting change. The real transformation happens when you turn inward, working on yourself to heal, grow, and see others with clarity and compassion.

As you begin to focus on what you can control—your thoughts, your actions, and your perspective—you’ll notice something extraordinary: the world around you may not change, but your experience of it will. You’ll find freedom in letting go of blame, frustration, and unmet expectations. And in that freedom, you’ll discover the ability to truly see others and love them unconditionally.

So, the next time you feel tempted to complain, pause. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself: What can I change within myself? Because when you change how you see the world, the world itself changes.

Reflection Questions:

• What complaints are keeping you stuck?

• How can you shift your focus to what’s within your control?

• What’s one step you can take today to work on yourself and see others more clearly?

Start with small changes, and watch as they ripple outward, transforming your life and your relationships.