The Cost of Doing It All: Rest, Resilience, and the Power of Asking for Help

For high-achieving women—career-driven professionals, entrepreneurs, and mothers—the pressure to “do it all” can feel both empowering and suffocating. Especially for Black women, the weight of societal expectations and the unspoken role of the “Strong Black Woman” make it even harder to pause, rest, and admit when help is needed. The truth is, while we’re out here juggling career milestones, caregiving, and community leadership, we’re often running on empty. And the cost of ignoring rest? Burnout, emotional collapse, and even the dangerous opposite: manic overdrive.

Let’s take a moment to reflect: Who takes care of you when you’re too busy taking care of everyone else? And why do so many of us feel like asking for help is admitting defeat?

The Superwoman Complex: A Double-Edged Sword

The Superwoman complex refers to the expectation that women, particularly Black women, must carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, often without showing signs of struggle. Society frequently glorifies women who appear to effortlessly manage their careers, families, and communities while neglecting their own well-being. This dynamic creates an unsustainable cycle of overachievement and self-sacrifice.

For Black women, this pressure is intensified by systemic inequities, cultural expectations, and a legacy of resilience passed down through generations. While strength has been a necessary survival mechanism, it often comes at the cost of rest, vulnerability, and care for oneself. This narrative can lead to burnout, health issues, and even mental health challenges.

The Two Extremes: Burnout vs. Invincibility

When we ignore rest, we end up on one of two ends of an unhealthy spectrum:

1. Burnout: Emotional exhaustion, physical fatigue, and a sense of being stuck or disillusioned. Burnout looks like snapping at loved ones, struggling to get out of bed, or feeling like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough.

2. Invincibility (Mania): The flip side of burnout, this state tricks us into thinking we’re unstoppable. You feel energized, invincible even, working tirelessly on little to no sleep. But this isn’t resilience—it’s overdrive. Mania leads to impulsivity, irritability, risky decisions, and eventually, a crash.

Signs of Burnout

Burnout doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a gradual process. Here are some signs to watch for:

• Emotional Exhaustion: Feeling depleted, irritable, or detached from loved ones or work.

• Physical Fatigue: Persistent tiredness, even after a full night’s sleep, or frequent illnesses.

• Cognitive Impairment: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, or decreased productivity.

• Loss of Motivation: Struggling to find joy or purpose in things that once excited you.

• Increased Cynicism: Feeling disconnected, resentful, or unappreciated.

• Hyper-independence: Refusing help, even when it’s desperately needed, and taking on too much out of fear of appearing weak.

Jasmine’s Story

Jasmine was a passionate and dedicated professional working for a small nonprofit that prided itself on “building the ship as we sail it.” As part of a small but mighty team, Jasmine often worked late into the night, driven by her belief in the organization’s mission. She poured her heart and soul into every project, especially their annual gala—the nonprofit’s biggest event of the year.

The gala was a resounding success, but Jasmine’s health paid the price. She ignored the warning signs: sleepless nights, constant headaches, and a creeping sense of exhaustion she couldn’t shake. The morning after the gala, Jasmine crashed. She couldn’t get out of bed and was overcome with feelings of emptiness and frustration. Her body and mind had reached their breaking point. Jasmine’s burnout was a wake-up call, reminding her that passion cannot replace the need for rest and care.

Signs of Mania or Hypomania

Recognizing the opposite extreme—mania or hypomania—is equally important. While this state may feel like a burst of productivity, it’s often a sign of imbalance. Symptoms include:

• Excessive Energy: Feeling hyper, unable to sit still, and constantly on the move despite being physically exhausted.

• Reduced Need for Sleep: Functioning on minimal rest, often with a sense of exhilaration.

• Grandiosity or Invincibility: Believing you can accomplish anything, sometimes to the point of taking on unrealistic or risky challenges.

• Increased Productivity: A sudden burst of creativity or the ability to work for hours without breaks, often at the expense of personal health.

• Impulsive Decisions: Overspending, overcommitting, or taking unnecessary risks without considering consequences.

• Racing Thoughts: A flood of ideas or plans, often moving so quickly that it’s hard to focus or follow through.

• Heightened Emotional Sensitivity: Feeling unusually euphoric, overconfident, or overly reactive to minor challenges.

  
  

Myra’s Story

Myra had always been a high achiever, excelling in her career in a fast-paced corporate environment. Recently, she’d returned to work after a three-month maternity leave. Balancing the demands of a high-pressure job and caring for her newborn left her feeling like she had to prove herself at every turn. Determined to demonstrate her dedication, Myra began working long hours, fueled by coffee and adrenaline, while surviving on only three or four hours of sleep each night.

At first, Myra felt invincible. Her energy levels were through the roof, and she juggled work projects, late-night feedings, and even planning her team’s next big presentation. But the cracks began to show. She started making impulsive decisions, like agreeing to unrealistic deadlines, and her thoughts raced so quickly that she struggled to complete tasks. Her irritability grew, and minor setbacks triggered disproportionate emotional reactions. Myra’s inability to slow down took a toll on her health and relationships, and she realized too late that her energy surge was unsustainable. Myra’s experience highlights the dangers of ignoring the body’s need for rest and the illusion of productivity that mania can create.

The Dangers of Neglecting Rest

When rest and self-care are sidelined, the consequences can be severe:

1. Physical Health Risks: Chronic stress and lack of rest can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, and autoimmune disorders. Black women, in particular, face higher risks of conditions like hypertension and stroke.

2. Mental Health Challenges: Burnout, anxiety, depression, and feelings of inadequacy often emerge when women overextend themselves without pause. The stigma around mental health in Black communities can make it even harder to seek help.

3. Impaired Relationships: Exhaustion can strain relationships with partners, children, friends, and colleagues. When you’re running on empty, it’s challenging to show up fully for others.

4. Loss of Identity: Constantly striving to “do it all” can cause women to lose touch with their authentic selves, leaving little room for joy, creativity, and self-discovery.

The Power of Vulnerability and a Support Circle

One of the greatest myths of the “Strong Black Woman” archetype is the belief that you have to handle everything alone. But the truth is, asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. Vulnerability is where true strength lies.

Lean into your support system. Whether it’s your partner, family, friends, therapist, or colleagues, having a circle around you can lighten your load. Don’t wait until you’re at your breaking point to reach out. Create space for conversations where you can be honest about what you need—rest, encouragement, or simply someone to listen.

How Myra and Jasmine Found Support

Myra realized she couldn’t keep pushing herself without consequence. She joined a local mom group, Black Moms Miami, where she connected with other mothers balancing work and family life. Through this group, she found a sense of belonging and practical advice on managing her new role as a working mother. The group became a vital source of support, helping her to slow down and prioritize her well-being.

Jasmine, on the other hand, decided to attend a wellness retreat after her burnout episode. The retreat gave her a chance to disconnect from work, reflect on her priorities, and recharge. Inspired by the experience, Jasmine committed to making the retreat an annual tradition. She decided to prioritize her well-being, making intentional efforts to care for herself throughout the year rather than waiting for another breaking point. By leaning into her community and investing in personal growth, Jasmine learned how to balance her passion for work with the need for rest.

Both women’s stories highlight the transformative power of vulnerability. When you open yourself up to support, you’re no longer carrying the weight of the world alone. Asking for help isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a step toward reclaiming your energy, joy, and identity.

Your Self-Care Plan

Every woman needs a plan for rest and renewal. Here’s how to start:

• Set Boundaries: Learn to say no and protect your energy.

• Prioritize Sleep: Commit to 7–8 hours a night—it’s non-negotiable.

• Create Rest Rituals: Carve out daily or weekly time to unplug and recharge. Whether it’s reading, meditating, journaling, or taking a walk, find what works for you.

• Ask for Help: Delegate tasks at home and work. You don’t have to carry the load alone.

• Regular Check-Ins: Evaluate how you feel physically, emotionally, and mentally. Adjust your schedule as needed.

• Invest in Community: Join groups or attend events that connect you with like-minded individuals who can provide encouragement and understanding.

Call to Action

Are you juggling too much right now? Take a moment to acknowledge where you’re overextended and where you need support. Reach out to someone—a close friend, family member, or professional—and let them lighten your load. Even small steps, like asking for advice or delegating one task, can make a big difference.

What can you do today to prioritize your rest? Perhaps it’s setting aside 30 minutes to disconnect or saying no to a request that stretches you too thin. Commit to taking one intentional step this week to protect your well-being.

Final Thoughts

Rest is not a luxury; it is a lifeline. By prioritizing self-care and embracing vulnerability, you can reclaim your energy and reconnect with the joy and purpose that brought you to where you are. Strength is not about doing everything alone—it’s about knowing when to lean on others and when to pause. You deserve a life that balances passion with peace, achievement with restoration.

A life of balance begins with small changes. When you give yourself permission to rest, you’re modeling to others—especially loved ones—that it’s okay to prioritize mental and physical health. Let go of the need to be everything to everyone, and embrace being enough just as you are.

Reflection

What is one small change you can make today to honor yourself and your needs? How can you incorporate rest and reflection into your life on a regular basis? Take a moment to write it down and commit to your well-being. Remember: your journey doesn’t have to be perfect, but it must be yours.